THEY NAMED IT
LUCIFER
And nobody said anything. We are saying something.
Somewhere in the Pinaleno Mountains of southeastern Arizona, at an elevation of 3,300 metres above sea level, sits the Large Binocular Telescope. It has two mirrors, each 330 inches in diameter. It is one of the most powerful optical telescopes on Earth. It peers into the deepest corners of the universe.
And its primary instrument is called LUCIFER.
We will give you a moment with that.
OFFICIAL INSTRUMENT DESIGNATION
LUCIFER
Large Binocular Telescope Near-infrared Utility with Camera and Integral Field Unit for Extragalactic Research
* Yes. They worked backwards from the name. We respect this enormously.
THE FACTS, WHICH ARE REAL
The Large Binocular Telescope sits at 3,300 metres — high enough that the air is thin, the stars are sharp, and presumably the naming committee felt sufficiently above the law to call their instrument whatever they liked. The two mirrors, each 330 inches across, give it the light-gathering power of a single 464-inch telescope. It is, by any measure, an extraordinary piece of engineering pointed at the darkest parts of the sky.
And they named the camera LUCIFER.
THE ACRONYM SITUATION
To be fair — and we are rarely fair, but we will try — LUCIFER is technically an acronym. It stands for Large Binocular Telescope Near-infrared Utility with Camera and Integral Field Unit for Extragalactic Research. Someone sat down, decided what they wanted to call it, and then constructed a sentence around it. This is not science. This is commitment. This is a level of dedication to a bit that we at Fake X find deeply, professionally inspiring.
"THEY BUILT A TELESCOPE AT 3,300 METRES, GAVE IT 330-INCH MIRRORS, AND NAMED THE CAMERA LUCIFER. THIS IS THE MOST FAKE X THING WE HAVE EVER SEEN AND WE DID NOT DO IT."
— FAKE X DEEP SPACE ANOMALY DIVISION, GENUINELY IMPRESSEDTHE FAKE X POSITION
We are fully in support of this telescope and everything it stands for. The numbers alone — 3,300 metres. 330-inch mirrors. One name: LUCIFER — suggest that whoever designed this facility was operating on a frequency we recognise. We have added the Large Binocular Telescope to our approved list of institutions. It sits directly below "the Moon" and directly above "biscuits (assorted)."
We also note, for the record, that they later renamed it. Under pressure, presumably from people who had not fully appreciated the commitment involved. The instrument is now called LUCI. We consider this a tragedy. LUCIFER was perfect. LUCIFER was correct. LUCIFER was, frankly, on brand.
* Source: Wikipedia, which is how we do all our research. The telescope is real. The mirrors are real. The name was real. We are still processing this.